This week, alternate bizarro universe presidential candidate Bizarro Howard Dean clinched the "popular vote" despite his rival Bizarro Dennis Kucinich's big lead in the seated delegate count.

According to Bizarro Kucinch supporter Barrack Obama: "what matters is the seated delegate count."

In this year's bizarro primary, the seated delegate count was intended to reflect, in part, the "will of the people."  Bizarro Obama adds: "this primary was not a homogeneous election, the seated delegates act as a common currency between very different kinds of state contests."

According to the party's agreed upon rules, there were three different kinds of contests:

1. The state of California had an enforced mandatory primary where every citizen was forced to vote.

2. 47 other states' delegates were determined through a scientific poll of the minimum viable sample, determined to be 1000 people per state.

3. Citizens of Florida and Michigan were instructed to stand in lines and throw pickles at each other.

"While the contest is arguably undemocratic, the party feels that it's valid enough to assess the "will of the people" within reason. Both Dean and Kucinich agreed to the rules," explained Bizarro DNC chair Mark Penn.

The resluts:

Bizarro Dean won the first contest in California by a 2% margin.

However, his mighty victory yeArGH! was heard echoing throughout the nation, after which, Kucinich won every remaining state by 100%.

No one sustained serious pickling injuries in Michigan or Florida.

Kucinich overwhelmingly won the seated delegate count, becoming the presumptive nominee.

But today, bizarro Dean wooed bizarro super delegates by pointing out that he won around 300,000 more votes (and several pickles) than Kucinich, who only received 47,000 votes total, outside of California!

According to Bizarro Dean, "Yeeeaaarrrrggghhh!"

While Obama points out that basic math undermines the validity of this "popular vote" metric, Dean supporter Bizarro Hillary Clinton countered that "the popular vote is necessarily a perfect indicator of the "will of the people," and democratic sentiment, despite the bizarro rules...."

....Back in another even crazier universe, the Democratic party decided on a system where some states would have caucuses with small turn outs while other large states would have open primaries hugely amplifying their raw vote total relative to their share of the population. IN addition, some candidates names did not even appear on the ballot in one state. Candidate Hillary Clinton appears poised to win the "popular vote...."